so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i drank out of a bidet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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