This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
