i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
