Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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