The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize