you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
