Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
