so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize