we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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