:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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