I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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