the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I forget how to act sober
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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