walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
