I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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