I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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