Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
