Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
