something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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