She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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