So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
