Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
