I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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