just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
