I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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