i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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