I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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