i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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