When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
