While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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