hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
