I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
