im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize