You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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