I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
