I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
