Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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