I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
