Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
