I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize