it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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