you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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