I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
