I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
