I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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