a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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