They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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