so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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