Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
