Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
