I faked an abortion last night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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