a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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