Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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