i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
