I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
