so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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