I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
