so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
