i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
