I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
