Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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