god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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