you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
