you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize