She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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