Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
