Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
