until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
