I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
