if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
