Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
