fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
