i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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