I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
