goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
